Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
