Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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