So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
