Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
