All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Randomize
