just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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