the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
