honey bunches of taint.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
