I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
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if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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