Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
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Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
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