dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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