margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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