the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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