You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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