My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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