This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
