i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
