I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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