I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
