please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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