but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
