I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
