I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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