i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
