The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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