I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize