I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize