My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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