Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
