After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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