Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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