your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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