Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
