Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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