Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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