My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
