Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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