omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
one might say we're banned from that church
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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