Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
