Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
