I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
