just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
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i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
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Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
They have beer where we have blood.
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