She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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