my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name