fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
just tell him i said nine months
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.