At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s