Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.