I feel like abortions should bother me more
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
