i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
