You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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