Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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