I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
our cab driver is having phone sex.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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