He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
