The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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