life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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