the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
