I got chris browned last night
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
