The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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