I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
