Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
