I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
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We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
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I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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