I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
