I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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