he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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