The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
