took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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