This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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