Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
