i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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