his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
