Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
This baby is an asshole
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
