she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
