Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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