Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Never underestimate the power of titties
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
