Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
