i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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