did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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