Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
