just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
well most of my day revolves around power hour
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
